Hitting a Wall

Friday, November 27, 2015

I've done it. I've officially hit a wall and I keep reversing and slamming back into it; partially for comedic effect, but mainly for the small chance that maybe I'll break through it one of these times.

Clearly, it's been a heck of a while since I've written anything. Well, actually I've written things, it's just a matter of reading them over and hating them, or never finishing them. This happens a lot with me and creative projects; things go swell for a while then I start to not like my work anymore. I lose drive and passion when beautiful words aren't pouring out of me like Niagara Falls.

Well, Newsflash. Life isn't perfect. I'm definitely not perfect. I know I'm just tottering along doing the best I can and yes, I screw up and make mistakes, and have internal mental breakdowns, and enjoy an occasional cry for no good reason at all.

 But, I make it out okay.

So why am I holding myself to the standard that I have to have it together and have this easy breezy life all the time?

No one does.

Here I am writing all these posts like everything in the world is just peachy and happy all the time, and I'm skipping down the grocery store isles with granola bars flowing from my hands. Excuse my language, but that's just utter shit.

This week I've been lucky enough to come home for Thanksgiving Break and here I am feeling like I'm in the middle of my mid-life crisis. Clearly, this is not my midlife crisis, but it's one of those moments when you feel like everything is wrong and you've been living in the dark and you have no idea what is going on. But, then I thought to myself, does anyone?

We, young adults, love to put on the appearance that we have it together, that we just "threw it on", or that we have everything mapped out to the dot. I've come to realize this isn't true. There's so much we have yet to learn and experience, obviously, it's going to take some time to "figure things out", if we even ever do.

 I'm growing up and I'm realizing all these ideas and thoughts I never understood before. So that's my wall. I don't want to accept it all the time, but it's here and it's time to move through it.

 - ML

 "It's a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications." - Nora Ephron

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